The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
