Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
