did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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