First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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