is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
