hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
