No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
