Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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