Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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