i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
