Are we in a gay sports bar?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
