He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
