I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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