this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
