I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The ass gains better be worth it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
