I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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