I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
