i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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