so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
