I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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