It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
