i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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