Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
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are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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