And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
