I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
