New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
