he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
