Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
