Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
