so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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