And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
