ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
