"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
