Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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