my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
