This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
