they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
babies were throwing up all over the place
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Quick, to the slutcave!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
