Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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