Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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