u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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