We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
