The maid of honor just puked.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
