$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
