It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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