so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
