She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my being single is dangerous.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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