my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
