I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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