I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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