Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
3pm strippers are depressing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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