k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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