I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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