tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
