chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
