Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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