Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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