he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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