chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
