whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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