you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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