Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I could fuck to npr.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
