I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The struggles of a small town man whore
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