ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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