No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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